As a woman, I am a watchdog of hearts. My heart belongs to Jesus and I have the fortune to care for the hearts that I get to call my community. I care for my husband’s, my children’s, my friend’s, and my family’s hearts.
I am blessedly charged with the care and keeping of hearts until my last day here on earth. I have messed up many times, but am thankful for second chances and forgiveness; even when I don’t ask for or deserve it.
There are three little hearts that I especially have had the opportunity and honor to partner in bringing into this world.
My three children.
The minute I hear the news of a beloved life in my womb, a piece of my heart takes on a unique purpose. As that precious new life blooms, my heart builds a unique road map of love for this little person.
I have no idea what this map looks like, but I know it grows within me and prepares to take on the new job of loving, caring for, and protecting.I would not trade this job for the world.
It is also the hardest job I have ever had. What does it mean to carry the honor of the caring and keeping of such a prize? What if I mess it up? What if I make the wrong choices? How do I still care for her heart? Questions.
I sometimes wake when the house is quiet and everyone is well into their dreams and lay there, wrought with fear and anxiety, counting the years I have left with her and wonder if it is enough to teach her all that I have planned. Things like how to be a lady, have manners, care for others, serve one another, laugh alot, …seek Him.
I wrestle with of all the parenting mistakes I have made and wish I could have a do-over.
On the other hand, a rush of peace and immeasurable gratitude overwhelms me. I get to be a part of raising this baby girl. How I never want this time to end. Ever. Are all of these emotions part of caring for her heart?
She is one of my greatest treasures. A treasure I want to share with the world, yet protect her from everyone.
I want everyone to experience the love she commissions, yet I want to keep it for myself. I want to allow her heart to be known, yet protect it from the bad guys. Navigating motherhood. Ugh.
I sometimes do not feel qualified being in charge of the care and keeping of her heart.
I’m glad I am not alone, however. Grateful to have a teacher that never tires of me, extends me grace, and rolls with the punches.
…Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you;
I will not fail you or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5 NASB
If I remember his promise, his promise that he will not fail me, then I can take the necessary steps.
I can receive his grace for me and forget my past parenting mishaps.
I can release my anxiety of the feeling of not doing it right and just be in the moment of parenthood. The messy, good moment of parenthood.
When I release myself, I release my daughter.
Free people free people.
When I am free, she is free.
She, then, finds her place in this world. It is one of the greatest gifts I could give her.
I love watching her find that place. Find who she is, what she likes and does not like. Find her voice. Her spacious place.
Book Club is one of the ways she wanted to stay connected with her friends over the summer. The playful banter, the funny things they do, and the profound things they say. It is a gift to watch her find her community.
And happy me, I still get to care for her heart. Even though I am most likely going to make a mistake along the way, I have a God that is bigger than me and will not fail me when I falter.
Knowing this creates space of my own. Space to care for her heart while God cares for mine. Just the way he had planned all along.
Share with us how you care for your children’s hearts. Comment below!
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