Claudine Phillips

feeling helpless as a mom when your child is sick

Worship is my language. I didn’t know this about myself until I hit my thirties. Proof that we never stop growing and learning about who we are.


In church, last week, the song “Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong Worship started streaming. This song hit me like a ton of bricks.  As our Red Rocks Church worship team (and I) sang, God gave me the clearest vision of how he sees Crosby’s situation. It was an impression, of sorts, on my heart from the One and Only.


The vision started with a scene where there was a sturdy long wooden table, seated full of countless people of all ages. God, which was a magnificent light, was at the head.  Crosby was one to be seated among the people, feet dangling, content and quiet, waiting.  I immediately burst into tears because, although the table had a sense of good and right, my gut and intuition just didn’t want him at that table.  It was a table for the sick. I wanted him to be in my arms, or playing, laughing, and having a “normal” life.  Sitting at that table meant that chances of normal was slowly being pulled away from us.

In the same desire of not wanting him there, I knew he had to be there. It was time to let go. God reminded me that He showed us Crosby’s condition by His grace and mercy on his life; that Crosby was HIS. Crosby was seated at HIS table. He is the Great I Am. The One and Only. The Great Physician. God reassured me that He had this. He has his condition, his surgery, his recovery, his logistics, everything. He’s got this. It was my job to watch and believe. To keep my eyes lifted on what He is doing in Crosby’s life and in our lives. Ya’ll, he was taking the burden from my aching heart, placed it on his shoulders and gave me my assignment: pray, worship, and watch.


This is so very hard for me. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life, but there is a sense of peace about this vision and command, and I will obey. It still hurts. I mean my heart is bursting with sadness. Imagining what is to come is unbearable, but that’s why it’s not my job to bear. It is for Him to save, and for me to surrender. He’s mine just for a while, but he’s always been a child of God’s.

In the song, “Who He Says I Am,” God reminded me that he set me free, so I am free indeed, to trust and to believe that there is a miracle on the other side of this and it’s all to bring God glory.  I am in my Father’s house, there is a place for me, I am a child of God, and so is my Crosby.

Who You Say I Am – Hillsong Worship

Who am I that the highest King
Would welcome me
I was lost but He brought me in
Oh His love for me
Oh His love for me

Who the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am

Free at last
He has ransomed me
His grace runs deep
While I was a slave to sin
Jesus died for me
Yes He died for me

Who the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God
Yes I am

I am chosen
Not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me
Not against me
I am who You say I am

I have breath and I praise you, even now.

Louis Gigilio said, “When we worship, we are  acknowledging that He is the source of all things good, gratefully giving back to Him what He has already so graciously given to us.”

Psalm 150:6 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Lord, you have given me so much and I want to give back whatever I have. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen, but you… have prepared a table before me in the presence of the enemy. You anoint me, my cup overflows with gratitude and love for you. I have enough. I am enough. Because you are enough. Your goodness and love with follow me, Lord, all the way through this season, and I, yes I, will dwell in your house, with Crosby at your table, watching you do your miraculous, immeasurable act of love, the saving of many lives.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever. Psalm 23:5

Thank you for continuing to pray for Crosby. You can always see updates on Instagram and follow the hashtag #prayforcrosbymac. THANK YOU!

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20

This is post three so far. If you want to follow the entire story, you can look up the category “Crosby” and follow. Meanwhile, here is the first post and second post.