Divorce and our new marriage.

To my friends that are going through a separation or a divorce.

I know. I just simply know your pain.

You will have days that you think there is no way you can get through another day.

You will because He will. 1 Corinthians 10:13

You will hide in the bathroom away from your children, sit on the toilet and just moan. You moan because you have no words. You just moan in grief.

He has the words. John 3:34

You will lay sleepless at three in the morning, tossing in the disbelief that your marriage has come to this.

He helps us believe. Mark 9:24

It is so unbearably painful to explain to your mom that you are separating…and you are pregnant.

He understands. Job 28:23

It is so confusing to try to explain to your sister that you have no idea what you are doing when she really needs to know.

He has clarity. 1 Corinthians 14:33

Your friends stop talking to you because they don’t understand.

He will be in fellowship with you always. John 15:15

You have no idea if he will want you anymore, want us.

You are wanted. Luke 15:20

You feel so alone. So very alone. You know no one you can share this exact pain with.

He will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

Your kids look at you with that look. Confused, sad, almost like they are free falling. Then they ask you, “Are you and daddy getting a divorce?”

He has them in his hands. I Peter 5:7

You try to make sense of the past 13 years. You go back and forth from blaming him, to blaming yourself, then blaming your parents for your messed up childhood.

He sees you as perfect. Ephesians 2:10

You feel dirty. Unwanted. A misfit.

You belong. Luke 15:20

You have to start making decisions that you have never faced. They seem easy, like where to hang pictures, but they are monumentally difficult to you.

You are enough. Matthew 10: 30-31

You suddenly don’t have a plus one anymore and people ask you where “he” is.

HE is with you. Zephaniah 3:17

You sit there with a group of friends who mean well, but you endure the pitiful looks, the deep sighs, and the silence of their having no idea what to say.

He comforts. 2 Corinthians 3:1-5

You are astounded when you actually feel your heart break. When you feel your heart hurt, physically.

He heals. Psalms 107:19

You have no other option then to trust as you free fall so helplessly.

He catches you. Psalm 37:24

You are afraid of everything.

He is before you. Psalm 139:5

When people talk about your soon-to-be ex-spouse like he is a villain and you sit in silence, holding your words because you still love him.

He covers all. 1 John 4:16

When you have lost hope

He has hope. Proverbs 23:18

When you have no answers.

He answers. John 16:23-24

When you are lost.

He rescues. Psalm 91:14-15

When you must die to self.

He resurrects. 1 Samuel 2:6

When you have no more love for yourself.

He loves. John 3:16

My friend. This is the most pain-filled time in your life. Just keep swimming. Make decisions. Don’t make decisions. Go forward. Stay still. Sleep. Make plans. Don’t make plans. Eat. Don’t eat. Explain. Don’t explain. Breathe.

In my journey, people left my side because they were offended that I did not take them through the most difficult time of my life. My friend, it’s going to be ok. I could barely sleep, eat, parent, process, or cope much less carry anyone else through this journey. Take care of yourself. I held on to my God. I depended on him to carry me through.

And he did.

God placed people in my life just at the right time to lean on, cry to, and sit with. These precious people never questioned me, shamed me, or told me what to do. They were my earthly rocks, my angels, who endured this complicated time of my life with me.

God cleared out my clutter and paved a way for me to just keep swimming.

As I look back, I remember wondering what was going to happen. If he was going to stay, leave, want me, not want me….I wondered if I was going to stay, leave, want him, not want him….

Then a miracle happened.

Not all stories of separation turn out the way ours did. I’ve added to my list of questions to ask God … “Why us? Why did you spare our marriage and not Cindy’s or Jess’?”

I am grateful beyond measure. It was nothing we have done on our own that has given us the honor to rest in the sweet spot of “New Marriage”. We give all the glory to Him.

It is easy to give praise when things are saved, right? In my experience, I must trust God more now than ever that this marriage was saved. Period. He has a plan, a purpose. We work on our new marriage daily. We have the same stuff that comes up, but we give space for our miracle worker who is commissioned to save “us”. Our marriage is messy, but we have learned tools to work through it and we are “all in”. Both of us….

We all have our own journeys. Please know that I am circling you in prayer, friends. My prayer is that you will rest in your “now”. That you will receive His devine plan for you and your spouse. Wherever that takes you. He is with you wherever you go.


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