Claudine Phillips

Entrusted: Week 2 Vulnerable Love


Last night was pretty magical. My dear friend, Hannah, ushered the Spirit in like a warm wave softly and completely enveloping us in His love. It was a beautiful thing to close my eyes and hear our voices praising our Maker. What a gift.

Hannah shared a particular word God placed on her heart. The word was simply, ‘vulnerable’. How vulnerable Timothy and Paul had to be to have such a deep and authentic relationship. She had experienced this herself, although admittedly hard, it has been so worth it. The relationships on earth and with her heavenly Maker has been worth being the “real deal,” as she stated it.

My family watched a movie called “A Monster Calls” Easter evening. Yes, not your typical Easter movie, but it was what we all wanted to see, so it was.  Imagine a boy, loosing his mom to cancer.  Alone. No dad to claim him. He’s stuck in a “place” that seems to be the safest option. Afraid. He is told by the ‘monster’ that he must face his truth.  The monster says, “Speak the truth or you’ll never leave this place.” The “monster” represents the fear that is behind being vulnerable (as Hannah shared), but also the courage that is just behind that fear.

The boy was miserable and the monster knew that in order for the boy to be free from that fear, he had to speak his truth to see his courage.  After causing much harm to himself and to others, he quit fighting against his Fear. Almost simultaneously, up rushed Courage. The boy finally spoke his truth and realized he had been believing a lie all along! He was stuck in a lie!

Needless to say, I was moved to tears. I have been this child. Afraid and alone. I kept myself in a ‘place’ by not choosing to come out about my abuse for what seemed like a lifetime. As a result, I, too, made decisions out of my pain that harmed myself and others. I so wish I could take those years back, but I know that God has and will continue to trade HIS glory for my grief all in His name.

“But thanks to be God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!” 1 Corinthians 15:57

Once I stepped into the freedom of this vulnerable love, I was able to speak my truth. It wasn’t easy and it was a process of therapy, Celebrate Recovery, and never looking up from His Word. My grip is tight on His truth and I have loosed myself of the lies I chose to believe that kept me from walking out of that ‘place’.  This is an in-depth study and the devil will try to do anything to keep us out of the gospel and surely talk us out of speaking our truth. He will try to keep us bound up in our lies that will keep us from jumping into our truth- our gifting. So, congratulations, sisters! If you have gotten this far in this note, you are showing up, going there, and doing great!

We had a full house again last night. As you know, it a treat to this extravert. When I came home from church on Easter after greeting, hugging, and talking all morning, you would think I was super tired. Nope. I wanted more. I wanted a house full of people to break bread with and hang out. I guess you would say I am always looking for the next party. One could only imagine that I seem to get energy from being around others. Ha!

If you are not like me and very much like Shad, my husband, who needs debriefing (aka a nap) after being around people, I get you, too. He enjoys this type of service, but needs his down time. We are all so different and have such an array of giftings.  This is just one reason I adore being around so many woman! Beth said last night “Her gifting is not my gifting”.  Thank God, right? I am already starting to see your gifting come up as we fellowship, serve, and share our stories. I am learning so much from you!

I truly had struggled with understanding my gifting until recently. I seriously am on the cusp of realizing where God wants me to serve and how in this season.  Beth shared that we are to go and serve where ever there is a need and He will lead you to your gifting.  It has happened this way for me and I pray that if you are searching, that God will show up in BIG and MIGHTY ways to affirm your call.

I prayed. Oh did I pray! Please Lord, make my gifting obvious to me! I searched the Word and tried to identify in the souls in the bible. Everyone finds their calling in different ways. What I do know is He will let you know in his perfect timing.

I remember asking my best friend and Shad, “What do you see that I am good at? What do you see that I enjoy? What do I keep coming back to? What do I talk to you about…all the time?”

I also asked myself, “What do I like to do when you want to do something other than the “have-to’s? What is fun to me? What did I like to do as an 8 year old?”

Imagine my dismay, when I realized I liked to learn new things, talk, and be around other women? How is that a gift? Well, God is using it right here, right now and it is truly FUN. When I didn’t have the party to go back to at home after Easter services, what kept me smiling was knowing I was going to see you all last night.

So, you really know now what a treat it is to see you, but what an enormous blessing it has been to get to know you as well! Keep showing up, keep speaking your truth and walking in that vulnerable love, and God will do some amazing wonders in your life! You just minght find yourself smack dab in the middle of your gifting!