Dear God,

What if I believed…

What if, when I feel guilty about the things I have done, I believed you paid for my sins and hold no judgement over me?

What if, when I feel responsible for things that are not mine to own, I believed you see me as right and true?

What if, when I try to fix things in my own strength and do not ask for help from you, I believed that you got this life?

What if, when I look to others for approval, I believed you are all that matters?

If I believed I would…

stand taller.
laugh louder.
look at people in the eyes more.
not apologize.
apologize.
empathize.
forgive.
tell jokes.
skip.
play.
be creative.
eat more sweets.
go to the movies.
take naps.
stop the gossip.
invite.
let them go first.
give.
serve.

I can see that if I believed you loved me I would “do” more, but would I also “be” more?

Would I just be?

Would I let you take over? Would I receive the love you have for me, your way? Would I surrender?

Would I put down the guilt, shame, over-function, and the idols and pick up your forgiveness, righteousness, ownership of me, and receive your Holy Spirit?

This I want. I want to be free and begin to receive. I want to stop the cycle of self saving and decrease.

I want you to increase and be my first thought. My last thought. My everything. I want you to handle my affairs, my future, my life. I want to be in your sidecar. Watching it all. Amazed.

I want to receive you God. Not just small parts of you, but all of you.

Imagine if I walked in my everyday knowing that I have the power of your Holy Spirit within me. To know that I stand in forgiveness, righteousness, and ownership.

What a person I would be and what a life I could live. Wait, scratch that….

What a person you made and what a life you created to tell your story.

I am in.

All in.

I believe.

Love,

Your daughter.

Claudine.